I Am a Million Different People From One Day to the Next
On some mornings, I wake up convinced that I have my life figured out. I make my bed, put on lip gloss, tie my hair up, drink my coffee and walk into college with my headphones on, pretending the world is a coming-of-age film written specifically for me.
On other mornings, I can barely recognise the girl in the mirror.
There are days when I want to be surrounded by people. I want chai after class, long walks, unnecessary conversations, someone asking me how my day was. I want to laugh until my stomach hurts and come back to my room with stories to tell.
And then there are days when I want nobody.
I want my phone face down, my curtains half-drawn, my bedsheet slightly messy, and the kind of afternoon where I can lie down and listen to the rain without having to explain myself to anyone.
I have been the girl who wants to be seen and the girl who wants to disappear.
The girl who plans her outfits the night before and the girl who wears the same oversized T-shirt because getting dressed feels like too much work.
The girl who fills pages of a journal and the girl who stares at a blank page wondering where all her words went.
The girl who believes in God with her whole heart and the girl who doesn't know what to pray anymore.
The girl who thinks she is going to have the most beautiful life and the girl who is terrified that her life is passing her by. I guess that is what growing up actually feels like.Not becoming one fixed, finished version of yourself, but constantly meeting new versions of yourself.
There is the college girl who drinks coffee at 6 PM.
The girl who loves sarees and then cries because the saree won't cooperate.
The girl who wants to be independent.
The girl who still wants someone to tell her everything will be okay.
The girl who dreams about her future.
The girl who is homesick for a home that doesn't exist anymore.
The girl who wants to travel everywhere.
The girl who would be perfectly happy sitting on a terrace with chai and a good song.
And I don't think any of these versions are wrong.I think we're allowed to be all of them. We don't have to choose one version of ourselves and decide that this is who we actually are.
Because we're never just one thing, right??
There are days when we're confident and days when we doubt everything. Days when we want to be around everyone and days when we just want to be left alone. There are things we loved once and don't anymore, and things we haven't even discovered about ourselves yet.
We keep changing with the people we meet, the places we go, the things that happen to us, and even the phases of life we're in.
And I think that's okay.
We don't have to have ourselves completely figured out.All these different versions of us....the ones we love, the ones we're embarrassed of, the ones we miss, and the ones we're still becoming....are still a part of us.
So being a million different people from one day to the next isn't really about losing yourself.It's just about growing into someone new, again and again.🌷