Not Love, But Not Nothing Either
Love is such a strange thing… thoda sa samajh aata hai, thoda sa haath se nikal jaata hai. I’ve always felt a little lost trying to understand it, jaise haath badhaati hoon but it slips through..... I’ve known love in the safest ways....in my family, in those few friends I can count on my fingers...steady… the kind of love that feels like ghar, like sitting in a room where nothing can hurt you, where everything just… stays. And I remember thinking, wow… if this is love, it’s so simple, so beautiful, so certain.
But phir na, somewhere along the way, something shifted… maybe love didn’t change, maybe I did. Because suddenly love wasn’t just something I had, it became something I started noticing… searching for… in the smallest, most unnecessary places. In random conversations, in passing moments, in cheezein that weren’t even meant to mean anything. And right now I’m on the terrace, it’s around 10, thandi hawa touching my face, baal thode messy, headphones mein abhi na jao chhod kar playing like it knows something about me I don’t, and I’m just walking slowly, thinking… why does love feel so different here?
Why does it feel softer… but also heavier?
Jaise it’s not even about people anymore… it’s about moments. Woh chhote chhote pal… almost invisible… the way someone says your name, the way one line stays in your head longer than it should, the way you start noticing someone without even realising kab hua. And suddenly everything feels a little more… something. Not love, maybe… but definitely not nothing.
Aur wahi toh sabse confusing part hai, na?
Yeh beech wala space… this almost.
Because it feels real. Itna real ki you start building little stories in your head, you replay conversations, you hold on to small things like they meant more than they probably did… aur pata bhi nahi chalta kab you got attached to a feeling that doesn’t even have a place to stay. It’s filmi in the most silent way...not grand gestures, not dramatic confessions… bas ek gaana chal raha hai, ek raat thodi zyada khamosh hai, aur thoughts rukne ka naam hi nahi le rahe.
And maybe that’s why I don’t hate it… this confusion, this almost-love. Kyunki even if it doesn’t stay, even if it doesn’t become anything… it makes me feel alive in a way that’s hard to explain. Jaise for a moment everything slows down… everything feels a little more meaningful, a little more beautiful.
Aur shayad mujhe isse samajhna bhi nahi hai.
Maybe love isn’t something to figure out. Maybe it’s just something that passes through you… jaise yeh hawa abhi… gentle, fleeting, pakad nahi sakte… but still enough to make you pause, close your eyes… and feel it.
Bas mehsoos karna hi shayad kaafi hai.