Learning to sit with it

 Grief is such a weird thing. Like, it’s not just sadness. It’s heavy, confusing, sometimes slaps you out of nowhere. And then I catch myself thinking...like seriously...should I even be feeling this much? Is it even worth it?

Okay, yes, it’s normal to hurt. To mourn what you lost, or what maybe never fully existed, or what you thought would be forever. But then I stop and think..likee…am I grieving them? Or the version of me who trusted too much, who cared too much, who hoped too much for something that maybe wasn’t meant to be? And somehow, that hurts even more. Because yeah, they left or they messed up, but also…my head keeps replaying it, giving them more space than they even had in reality.

And then there’s this tiny voice...maybe it’s God, maybe it’s just me overthinking...that goes, “Is this grief teaching you, or is it just keeping you stuck?” Because honestly, it’s exhausting to feel sad, angry, confused, all at once. Some days I want to throw a full-on tantrum. Other days I just want to curl up under my blanket ,turn on fairy lights, sip my coffee, scroll a little, and pretend none of it matters. But it does. It always does.

Sometimes I try to rationalize it....maybe they had reasons, maybe it wasn’t personal, maybe life is messy. But even if that’s true, I know I’d never do that to someone. I’d never hurt someone like that on purpose. So…why did they? And that question lingers. And it never fully goes away....

But maybe that’s okay. Maybe grief isn’t supposed to disappear overnight. Maybe it’s like a mirror showing parts of yourself you didn’t know existed........teaching patience, boundaries, how to treat your own heart with care. And maybe…just maybe, the point isn’t to stop grieving, but to sit with it without letting it ruin your mornings, your evening walks, your little happy corners of life.

So…is this grief worth it? Some days I think no. Some days I think yes, because even in the ache, I learn something about myself. And maybe  because of it , we learn something about ourselves day by day....