Buffering through zindagi
This week has been… weird. Not bad-weird, not good-weird. Just… “huh” weird. Like the universe put my life on pause, but the music is still playing in the background. I’ve been moving, doing things, existing .... but also standing still? Basically, main character syndrome but in buffering mode.
And no, I wasn’t dying under exam stress like everyone else. Everyone around me was in war mode ... flashcards, red eyes, highlighters, whispering formulas under their breath. I, on the other hand, was… chill? Not Netflix-and-chill chill, but “I’ll study enough to pass and then hope the universe is kind” chill.
Still, the way people kept asking me “Padhi? Kitna padhi? Notes banaye?” made me want to fake a sudden cough and leave the planet. Like bro, my academic situation is between me and my God .. let’s not do a TED talk here. I went, wrote my exam, avoided the post-paper autopsy group outside the hall, and ran for my life. Top-tier survival strategy, I must say.
Now that I’m in this limbo between almost done and still one paper left, my brain is treating this long weekend like my freedom papers have already arrived. Suddenly I’m making coffee like I’m in a coffee commercial. Wiping my desk like it’s my sworn duty to keep this one square meter of earth spotless. Standing on the terrace during golden hour, pretending the sky is my audience and I’m giving them my best poetic suffering face.
Chennai evenings have been showing off lately. That soft orange-pink light, the occasional cool breeze, the way it makes even my messy bun look intentional… chef’s kiss. I just walk in slow loops, headphones on, old Bollywood or random retro Tamil songs playing, and my brain going on tangents ... “what if I just moved to a small cottage near the hills and opened a bakery” .. you know, normal thoughts.
Oh, and yes, the Papa-old-phone confusion saga is still running in the background like a badly edited TV serial subplot. Nothing too dramatic, but it’s there. Like a mild tension background score that only I can hear. Still, I’m doing my little grounding rituals ... skincare like I’m auditioning for a beauty ad, Bible study like I’m keeping my soul moisturized, journaling as if future-me is going to sit down one day and read these entries in a tearful Netflix biopic about my life.
The vibe this week?
Half “let’s get things done.”
Half “let’s stare at the wall and think about clouds.”
Half “I’m okay.”
Half “what if I’m not okay but in an aesthetically pleasing way.”
Maybe not every week has to be deep, productive, or even memorable. Some weeks are just… warm coffee, slow evenings, mild drama, and a sky that makes you stop for a second.
And honestly? I’ll take it....