The What Ifs that keep me up at 1:43 a.m.

What if I lose people who matter the most to me?

What if they don’t even realise they mattered that much?

What if I never meet anyone who makes me feel seen again?

What if the version of me who used to dream, believe, and feel excited about the future ...just packed her bags and quietly left one night?

What if this is it?

What if my spark never returns?

What if this whole “everything happens for a reason” theory is just a nice lie people say when things don’t go their way?

But also...

What if I am already becoming someone strong .... just not the way I expected?

What if I’m not lost .... just transitioning?

What if I haven’t been left behind, but life is simply making space for something new?

What if the people who are meant to stay, do stay — even if they leave for a bit?

What if I’m not hard to love .... just not for the people who were never meant to stay long?

And what if ...just what if ..

This messy, scary, lonely in-between is actually where the magic brews quietly?

So for now, I’ll take a deep breath.

I’ll sip my evening coffee back home.

I’ll let the rain pat my windows and calm my restlessness.

And maybe, maybe I’ll just be... here. In this version of me. The one who’s healing. Who’s scared but showing up anyway.

Because what if it all works out?